Link and the Ponies
by Carlos Wormwood
Summary: Link needs a good wank.


Link and the Ponies

The sun was setting over Ponyville and a disturbing scene was unfolding. Link was drunk and high out of his mind and somehow in the process of exploring hyrule moved across the ethereal plane into the pony dimension. Link stumbles into a house thinking it's his own and decided to crash on the couch.

Little does he know that this decision will cost him his life.

Link awoke early in the morning to the smell of hay and oats. He was wearing a white Abercrombie and Fitch tee shirt with no logo. His shoes were a finely polished clarck desert boot with a special embroidered logo. Link affixed his hat with a perfectly flat visor lacking any curvature to his head with the sticker AND price tag still attached to the item.

"Nigga I don't wear tha same shit twice bitch" Link whispered to himself as he struck a pose for no one in particular.

Realizing that it was 7:00 am and he gotta be fresh he went downstairs and found a shower. He got in and got **NUDE **andproceeded to masturbate furiously in a sort of mechanical and pathetic way. He needed to get the job done.

Twilight Sparkle was headed down to kitchen to use her Windows 98 computer to play some organ trail and to eat hay. Link was furiously masturbating.

Twilight Sparkle heard a loud sound which echoed throughout the house. Spike is yelling at the top of his lungs and running toward her.

"Holy sweet shit Twilight! You're not going to believe me but there's a disturbing troll in our bathroom casting some kind of evil spell!" Spiked managed to spit out exhaustedly.

"Oh spike, Shut the fuck up trolls don't exist and neither does god you anti-intellectual piece of shit" sneered Twilight.

"Oh god damn it Twi just some over here and see this shit for yourself COME ON!"

Twilight gave in and proceeded to follow spike to the bathroom. There was no one there. Suddenly right behind them they great a great CRASH and then ANOTHER and then yet ANOTHER!

As it turns out link saw some pots and felt an insatiable urge to scream at the top of his lungs and break all of them while going "OO DOOOO DO WHOOOLOOOOLOO LOLOLOL".

"Alright that's enough of that horse-shit." said Twilight. "Spike take a letter to Princess Celestia, there is some kind of strange new creature in my home."

At this moment who the fuck else but Rainbow Dash bursts in to find some things to hate.

"Fucking dog-shit fluttershy pissed me off today by helping animals near me. What a bitch why do we keep that faggot-cunt asshole bitch around?" screamed RD.

In an unexpected turn on events Fluttershy trots in slowly.

"Oh my!" "I'm soooooo sorry."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP FLUTTERSHY I'M SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT EVERY DAY I'M TRYING TO STUDY SO FUCKING HARD OMG." Screams Twilight.

"Alright everypony chill the fuck out here" interrupts Link. "Dear god... "Why the hell are all you ponies so damn sexy?"

"GOD DOESN'T EXIST YOU FUCKING TEA PARTY REDNECK PIECE OF SHIT COCKSUCKING FUCK!" Said Twilight.

"That's not reaaaally necessary is it?" Said Fluttershy.

"WHY DON'T DON'T YOU SCOOP the fucking SHIT out of Glenn Beck's TINY LITTLE SPHINCTER" Screamed Twilight in an agonizing certainty.

"Also why do you ponies know English?" said link calmly as ever even though he was facing a huge hangover.

Link begins to explain his situation in great detail to them but most importantly the fact he was unable to finish masturbating due to spike interrupting.

"We need Pinkie Pie's advice on this issue."

SHE JUST FUCKING APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE.

"I'm GOING TO FUCKING MURDER THE FUCK OUT OF ALL OF YOU" Pinkie Pie screams menacingly.

"AWWWWW Pinkie Pie you're so random." Say's RD.

"Oh um.. Maybe that's something we should be concerned with a litt..."

"FUCK YOU SHITHOLE NO ONE LIKES YOU FLUTTERSHY BURN IN PONYHELL WITH PONYHITLER AND COLDPLAY." Say all the ponies.

Link stands there still nude and very very very erect.

Pinkie Pie starts slicing her own wrists and tasting the blood. No one really notices it and Rainbow dash thinks it's pretty random.

Mido walks in and witness the events take place. "Hey link... WHY DOES SARIA LIKE A BOY without a fairy EVEN SHEESH. Fuck you."

Pinkie Pie proceeds to start murdering everyone. She kills Twilight with a knife and smothers RD to death with some muffins that she lit on fire with her Ford Racing Zippo.

Before anyone more could succumb to the horrible and totally unexpected death of being murdered brutally by Pinkie Pie Bear Grylls unexpectedly appears.

"I've come here to save Link and drink urine.. and I'm all out of urine.

Bear shoots his longshot at a target and starts kicking people and ponies and shit. By the end only Link and Fluttershy survive.

"I hope you two will enjoy repopulating the world." Said Bear as he dropped his pants and proceeded to blast off on his own pee stream like a rocket. As he was sailing into the abyss of the golden sky like Mario from a cannon in Mario 64 you could see him turn around and give a little smirk and a wink.

"What a majestic and handsome man" said Link as his eyes teared up in pure joy of the task at hand.

Then Mido killed him.


End file.
